chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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