I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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