Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
