I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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