I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
