my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
