if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Drake has all the answers
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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