i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
