Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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