CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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