So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
