You're so nebulous sometimes
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
