Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
