we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
