You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
