Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i think i just lost a toe
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
