very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
