You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
