he wants to bone in the snuggie
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
