So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
