Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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