I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
