Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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