She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
