All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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