Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
