im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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