Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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