we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
