It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
