Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
