he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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