She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
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