2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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