He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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