I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
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