It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
