I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
