Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
