i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
