ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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