Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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