He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
