He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
