OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
