I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
