she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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