i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
