I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
