You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
